As I mentioned I am spending summer with my kids at my parent's house. It is of course great for the kids to be around their grandparents (who spoil them terribly) and the fact that they live in a small town-villa with a garden makes it even more of a needed change for an apartment family from the capital. Their town is located on the west coast, with many wonderful excursions and stuff to do nearby.
Yesterday was spent at my grandparent's summerhouse in the upper west coast, close to the border of Norway. My grandfather turned 74 so some family were there to wish him a happy birthday (I'll try to update with photos within short).
You know, I have a kind and somewhat open minded family, so they're at their best behaviour in trying to deal with me as they always have, even though I became a muslim (11 years ago) and left behind some of their ways and values. I consider myself very much the same person, but at the very least, I look different (with my hidjab i mean). Yesterday however was a close family thing so I got to wear and look like them for the evening. Not that I mind my hidjab, but I have come to realize just how much energy goes to being different. Always.
Another family event, my dear cousins wedding, is another big reminder for me of just how different i FEEL (I am not sure i really AM that different, but...). A church wedding is all about Swedish manners and traditions, and I'm finding it a bit hard to comply. I don't think that has so much to do with my religion as it has to do with my character. Dress code simply bugs me. My children not being invited kills me. Never the less I have to be there, cause I love her, so I guess I have to get over it.
My husband arrived this morning by surprise. For days I've been bugging him about when he's coming and he kept saying there's no tickets (I took the car). Until this morning he stood outside the door and the kids went crazy (they didn't see him for 1 ½ months). It makes me feel much better to have him beside me "against" all what everyone else take for granted, and I don't, but at the same time me and him are from two different cultures and loyal readers know I don't always comply there either.
And it leaves me with a huge empty feeling of not belonging anywhere. And my process, part of why I've been gone for some time, is accepting that place in between as my own.
No wonder, since I haven't been in here. I question everything. Sometimes I wonder if this blog should actually be about the difficulties of maintaining a blog. That would surely be a hit.
Now, the truth about why I haven't been blogging for a while is personal, but never the less it brings me back to the difficulties of being a blogger. As I have discussed before, depending on what kind of person you are and depending on what kind of blog you host, there is an unclear line between what you can blog about and not. Going undercover would help, but it's too boring. Going completely open would surely help, but then I'm too booring. So for now, I'm left here in between and that is what's causing my moments of temporary insanity.
So, it's been a while. At the moment I'm at my parents house with my kids, enjoying our summer holliday. Sunny days could be counted on only one hand, but that suits me just fine since I'm studying a course in Socialanthropology, that I couldn't complete while ramadan in Gaza (2005, for beginners). It's funny how my stay in Gaza follow me around. I guess since I haven't dealt with it completely. I was reading my notes and on the left side of a paper had I written "19 October, first raindrop". That of course brought me back. And i remember that it was actually just a few raindrops, not a complete rainfall. And I remeber that my son, Ibrahim and his classmates, was let out of class to stand on the schoolyard and enjoy in the rain, when later on the first rainfall actually did come.
I'll do my best to be a better blogger from now on....
UPDATE: It all makes sense now; while blogging around I just found this lines so worthy of notice, regarding to what I just had been on about here above...
"Being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the Internet."
A little full circle moment, since just "blogging around" (as in being somewhat distracted by the Internet...) was just what I was doing... Me being a "bad" blogger could have its explanation in just the fact that a blogger per definition is someone who spends an awful lot of time on the Internet.
(Can you tell I'm into Socialanthropology and stuff like questioning analytic dichotomies at the moment - I'm full of arguing against what we once took for granted lol)
I started blogging while living in Gaza City. After a break I'm now ready to pick up the pieces again. Here's my life as it it, sometimes boring but mostly amazing. Love, peace and understanding rules. And in all seriousness, let's be able to laugh at it all.