As I mentioned I am spending summer with my kids at my parent's house. It is of course great for the kids to be around their grandparents (who spoil them terribly) and the fact that they live in a small town-villa with a garden makes it even more of a needed change for an apartment family from the capital. Their town is located on the west coast, with many wonderful excursions and stuff to do nearby.
Yesterday was spent at my grandparent's summerhouse in the upper west coast, close to the border of Norway. My grandfather turned 74 so some family were there to wish him a happy birthday (I'll try to update with photos within short).
You know, I have a kind and somewhat open minded family, so they're at their best behaviour in trying to deal with me as they always have, even though I became a muslim (11 years ago) and left behind some of their ways and values. I consider myself very much the same person, but at the very least, I look different (with my hidjab i mean). Yesterday however was a close family thing so I got to wear and look like them for the evening. Not that I mind my hidjab, but I have come to realize just how much energy goes to being different. Always.
Another family event, my dear cousins wedding, is another big reminder for me of just how different i FEEL (I am not sure i really AM that different, but...). A church wedding is all about Swedish manners and traditions, and I'm finding it a bit hard to comply. I don't think that has so much to do with my religion as it has to do with my character. Dress code simply bugs me. My children not being invited kills me. Never the less I have to be there, cause I love her, so I guess I have to get over it.
My husband arrived this morning by surprise. For days I've been bugging him about when he's coming and he kept saying there's no tickets (I took the car). Until this morning he stood outside the door and the kids went crazy (they didn't see him for 1 ½ months). It makes me feel much better to have him beside me "against" all what everyone else take for granted, and I don't, but at the same time me and him are from two different cultures and loyal readers know I don't always comply there either.
And it leaves me with a huge empty feeling of not belonging anywhere. And my process, part of why I've been gone for some time, is accepting that place in between as my own.